A RAPE Brigade Christmas Story
by Tsuki the Wolf
Summary: Russia just wanted to have fun. America just wanted to be Santa for a day. Prussia just wanted to get back to Canada. England just wanted to go home and be screwed by America. Join the R.A.P.E Brigade as they save Christmas! Non-crack USUK Implied PruCan


**A/N: I felt the need to do a Christmas story using the R.A.P.E Brigade. That's Russia, America, Prussia, and England. Quite the group up. It was difficult thinking of a situation for them all to be together, but I'll try to manage it! I hope it's not too cracky! It's just supposed to be a fun little fic. Btw, pervertedly is a word because I say it is! Derp.**

**Btw, the rating is mainly because of this little scene in the beginning. Haha.**

* * *

><p>America's fingers trailed down the expanse of England's chest and stomach while at the same time sucking on his neck gently. England's head tipped back to give the man more room to work as his own hands reached around America's back to grip his shirt tightly. His toes curled. It was these little teasing touches that he longed for and at the same time hated with a passion. "America…" He gasped as the hand moved to follow the dip of England's hip down to the hem of the English man's pants.<p>

America pulled back with a grin, his blue eyes shining in the dim light unhindered by Texas. His head then dipped to capture the other man's lips, unbuttoning the man's pants. "Haha, we don't get to do this very often because you live on the other side of the world, right England?"

England didn't respond for a moment and instead proceeded to deepen the kiss between them, his one hand reaching up to tangle in America's locks of hair. When he finally pulled away he said, "Too true, but it can't be helped. You _did_ cancel the Christmas party this year, didn't you? I know it was last minute…" He felt slightly guilty for his selfish asking of America to cancel his famous annual Christmas party. It was just that this year he wanted to have America all to himself. But it was already the twenty-fourth and he honestly hoped that America had cancelled the party.

America laughed. "Yeah, I did! Even though I'm missing out on the whole meaning of Christmas, it doesn't matter if it's for you, babe!"

England felt slightly annoyed and a little flattered at that. Christmas _was_ America's favorite holiday next to the man's birthday, after all. "You twit, the meaning of Christmas is _family_ not _parties! _And don't call me babe._" _He pushed America off of him and onto his back before climbing onto his stomach and kissed his chest as he unbuttoned the man's nightshirt. "But thank you anyhow, love." Their eyes met and there was a silent moment between the two of them, absorbing the atmosphere around them. Indeed they didn't have these moments together often. Both were busy with their jobs and barely could see each other. And on the occasions they did get to see each other, they were usually tired and could only go through a quick shag. England loved the holidays mostly because work was slower and more family-oriented. America especially and so it was during the holidays where they could have sex that actually showed they were in a loving relationship and not just fuck-buddies.

America broke the moment as he grabbed England's ass and flipped them over, kissing him deeply. His hands then drifted down the back of the man's pants and into his underwear. England arched to the touch, urging America to hurry and rid him of his final clothing when suddenly there was a loud crash and the house shook from some type of impact. England and America shot up in shock.

"What the [bloody] fuck was that?" Both men said in unison before they hurriedly scrambled out of bed and fixed their clothes. England slipped on a robe as America grabbed his usual jacket off of the chair and they both ran out to the back yard. Outside was still only about midday and they were able to make out a tree with branches that appeared to be mutilated. America yelled, "What the hell! My tree!" A little ways away England spotted what at first he thought was another Christmas decoration until he realized that it was a sleigh with actual reindeer and the sleigh itself was halfway in a crater.

"Oh my Lord, Finland!" England cried as he recognized who it could've been and ran over. America followed after him and leaned over the sleigh to search for its occupant. There was a loud groan and instead of a blonde head popping out, it was a silver one.

"_Verdammt." _The person said. England groaned a little as he recognized the voice. "This is bullshit that the awesome me has to put up with this."

"Prussia, dude, what the fuck are you doing tearing up my yard for?" America demanded, more surprised than actually annoyed.

England, on the other hand, was quite annoyed. "More than that, why the devil are you in Finland's sleigh?" _And interrupting my sex time with America._ He added silently.

Prussia blinked burgundy eyes up at them. He appeared to be unhurt except for perhaps a bump on his head. "America? England? The hell?" He looked around him. "Fuck, I didn't realize I was so far off-course."

"I repeat, what are you doing here?" America asked.

"Obviously I crashed, _arschloch._" Prussia said as he climbed out of the sleigh. "Hurry up and help me push this thing out of this crater. I've got a lot to do and little time to do it." He didn't look happy in the least.

America hopped down into the hole to help him. England just folded his arms in irritation. "What, pray tell, have you to do with Finland's sleigh?"

"It's it obvious? Jeez, both of you must be slow today, or something. I'm delivering presents for Finland. Don't ask me why."

"Why?"

"I told you not to ask me!" Prussia muttered something under his breath in German as he and America managed to get the sleigh on level ground. The reindeer were munching on America's lawn, which bothered the man a little bit. "Look," he said, hopping back in the sleigh and leaning on the front of it, "I was over at Finland's house helping with his cleaning (which I'm freaking awesome at) when Sweden showed up. That guy scared –I mean, snuck up and caught me off guard while I was cleaning the top shelf of Finland's bookshelf. I kind of fell on Finland and injured him."

"Poor bloke." England muttered.

"What, no 'are you okay, Prussia'?" Prussia demanded.

"No." Both America and England said, unsympathetic. America even laughed.

"Assholes. Anyway, Sweden got pissed that I injured 'his wife' or whatever bullshit like that and since Finland couldn't make the deliveries Sweden demanded that I do it instead. He even has this damn tracker thing on me to make sure I do it correctly. If I don't, he'll make sure I don't get to be with Canada on Christmas day." Prussia groaned. England could assume what the man had been hoping for. A part of him sympathized considering he just wanted to do the same with America.

"Well, good luck to you then. Now America-" England started but was cut off by America's excited,

"You're playing SANTA this year?"

Prussia raised an eyebrow. "_Ja._"

"Dude, that's so freaking awesome! I wanna be Santa! You're so lucky!"

"America-" England tried again, getting a nervous feeling.

"If you want to be Santa, then go ahead. I don't want this job." Prussia said. America's eyes lit up.

"YES!"

"America!" England interrupted before America could climb into the sleigh. "This is Prussia's punishment. You can't just take over his job. Besides, I believe we were doing something-"

"Aw, but England! When do you ever get the chance to actually _be_ Santa? Usually Finland's too excited about Christmas to hand the job over to somebody else!" America whined. England was left to wonder again why he had fallen in love with such a childish oaf.

Prussia sighed. "He's probably right, though. I don't want to risk my Christmas."

"But I wanted to be Santa…" America pouted.

"Why did you crash, anyhow?" England asked, glaring.

"Do you know how hard it is to steer this thing? I think these damned beasts hate me." Prussia said. The reindeer snorted and stomped, apparently understanding him.

"Oh!" America said, getting an idea. "Hang on a minute!" He ran inside. Prussia and England waited with frowns on their faces in confusion. England was getting more and more annoyed. He wanted to go back to what he and America were doing earlier. America ran out of the house a few minutes later dressed head-to-toe in a Santa costume, complete with white fluffy facial hair and black boots. England felt his jaw drop at the sight. America laughed heartily. "I wanna be Santa and you need a pilot, right Prussia dude? Well I'm a pilot right here! I'll go with you!"

England shot a look at Prussia that told him that if he accepted America's offer he would suffer the consequences. Prussia looked between the two and finally shrugged. "Sure, whatever." England sucked air between his teeth sharply. Oh, Prussia was most certainly going to be maimed for this. America whooped and ran over to hop in the sleigh. It was actually much bigger than he would've thought considering there was a gigantic bag of gifts behind the main seat. It looked as if it could fit five people comfortably.

"Come on, England!" He called to his boyfriend with a wave.

England scowled. "There is no way that I am going with you." He was furious and America could tell. Nonetheless, America still wanted to spend time with him.

"Come on! Don't be that way!"

"We were supposed to spend Christmas _alone_ this year!"

"You two too, huh?" Prussia asked, interested in the conversation. He was surprised when America had cancelled the annual Christmas party. It made sense, now. He felt a little bad for England. But just a little.

"We _will_! We'll make it back here before midnight! We have twelve hours, after all!" America protested.

"I said _no,_ America. I will see you when you return." _And I'll kill you when you do._ England turned to walk back into the house. America and Prussia's eyes met and a small smirk appeared on both of their faces.

* * *

><p>"You blasted wankers! I'll bloody murder the both of you when I get out of this! How dare you do this to me?" England shouted from his position of being tied up in the seat next to America and Prussia. The three had already managed to take off into the air with little difficulty (America had that way with animals) and were already high in the sky. The temperature was cold, but America was happy with his Santa costume. It was quite warm.<p>

America laughed at England's threats. "Lighten up, man! This is gonna be fun!"

"I'll fucking castrate you!"

"Ignoring him, we need to go to Japan first." Prussia said, bringing out the map that was built as a part of the sleigh in a cabinet. "We need to beat the sun and it's already almost four in the morning over there. We've got to hurry."

"Damn! How the hell are we going to make it?" America asked, glancing at the map. He only recognized a couple countries but he knew where Japan was. They were travelling from Washington D.C. though so it was going to be a long ride.

"Don't ignore me!" England yelled.

"My GPS tells me that we're already over the Pacific." Prussia said, looking at a device in his hand.

"Seriously?" America asked, shocked. This sleigh moved a hell of a lot faster than he thought it did.

"Yeah."

"Sweet! We'll make it in no time!"

* * *

><p>The reindeer appeared to know exactly what to do, thank god. They circled around a bunch of the houses repeatedly. Prussia instructed that they only had to throw the gifts overboard and they should make it. America pouted.<p>

"That's no fun!" But they did so anyway. The presents magically seemed to float down the chimneys or disappeared and hopefully reappeared in the houses. America tried to figure out scientifically how it happened, but then decided to mark it off as 'Christmas miracles'.

"Hey look! It's Japan's house!" Prussia pointed out as they flew towards it.

"Sweet!" America yelled over the wind, leaning over the sleigh. "Hey, give me his present! I wanna deliver it!" Prussia handed him the present and America aimed the sleigh lower until they landed on the roof.

"Hey, what are you doing, _arschloch?_" Prussia demanded. "We have to keep going! We don't have time for this!"

"Just chill, dude! I'll be right back!" America climbed out of the sleigh and jumped down from the roof. He carefully undid Japan's window (the one where he took his bathes was easy to get open but unfortunately it always broke under his hold. He would have to fix that later) and climbed through it. The house was dark and America snickered to himself. This was going to be so fun! He just had to act like a ninja and stay quiet!

"Hey!" A hand landed on his shoulder. America bit back a scream and turned to see Prussia. "You can't have all of the fun by yourself!" Prussia said with a grin. "Come on!" America nodded and the two entered the living room where a Christmas tree sat. Luckily Japan at least had one. The man didn't always celebrate Christmas. America placed the present under the tree.

"Great! Now let's-" America began when he was hit over the head with something very hard. He yelped and fell to the ground and next to him he heard Prussia cry out as well.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my house?" A voice demanded and America looked up to see Japan standing over him, a wooden sword in his hand. "Answer me now before I injure you further!"

"Whoa whoa whoa! Japan, dude, don't hit us!" America said, waving his arms in front of his face.

"That fucking hurt!" Prussia said, rubbing his head.

Japan hesitated. "America-san? Prussia-kun?"

"Yeah yeah! It's us!" America said. Japan flicked the lights on, blinding the occupants momentarily. He lowered his weapon and sighed in relief.

"What are you two doing here? And why are you dressed like that once again, America-san? I thought your party was called off." He asked.

"It is!" America stood with Prussia.

"We're Santa this year." Prussia explained. "Here's your present." He turned and handed Japan his present. Japan looked pleasantly surprised.

"_Arigato."_ He said.

"We've got to go, though! We've got the whole world to deliver to!" America said. Japan nodded and he walked them to the door. America and Prussia climbed onto the man's roof and waved to him as they took off. "By the way, you might want to fix your bathroom window!" He called.

"Again, America-san!" Japan yelled, frustrated. That was the third time. "Please knock next time!" America gave him the 'okay' sign and they flew off to deliver more presents.

"America, I am freezing!" England told him, thoroughly cooled by the chilly air but still just as irritated with both men for kidnapping him. "Why didn't you get me a coat before you kidnapped me?" He demanded. He was still only in a bathrobe and the pants he was wearing before.

America looked at him. "Oh you're cold? Sorry, man!" He dropped the reins and walked over to begin untying England.

"What the hell are you doing? He's going to kill us if you let him go!" Prussia protested.

"Nah, he won't. Right, England?" England didn't reply but America had already released him. England stood and rubbed his arms.

"Give me your coat."

"What? No! Here, you can just warm up in my arms!" America held open his arms. England was tempted by the offer (because America was a walking heater) but he was too pissed with him to take it.

"No. I want your coat."

"No!" England grabbed the front of America's jacket and ripped it open.

"Gah! What are you doing, England! Get off!"

"I want your coat and I'm taking it whether you like it or not!"

"Nooo!"

* * *

><p>"So where is it that we're travelling to next?" England asked, snuggling more into the nice and warm Santa jacket he was wearing. America sat shivering on the other side of the sleigh, his cheek red and a little swollen from England's punch earlier and now wearing nothing but a thin nightshirt and Santa pants and boots. His fake facial hair had been tossed to the wind somewhere over northern Japan. England knew that America hated the cold, so this was a fair enough punishment. He would get Prussia back later.<p>

Prussia had tactfully ignored the fighting earlier and was now in control of the reins. "We have to go to the eastern half of Russia before we continue onto the other Asian countries because his is the largest." He looked extremely reluctant to go. England could understand. He had heard what happened in Russia during Christmas.

"I see." The weather was getting more terrible by the moment as snow whipped around them. The wind howled and England and Prussia curled in on themselves to keep warm. They must have entered a blizzard.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S SO FUCKING COLD!" America screamed above the storm. England looked at him and felt guilty. He couldn't leave America like this in this storm. He scooted over and pulled the man into his arms, covering him the best he could with his body. America buried his cold nose into the older nation's neck and slid his hands up his shirt. England gasped at the icy feeling on his bare, warm skin. His heart rate sped up. It felt surprisingly arousing. It couldn't be helped; he was still wanting after earlier.

Suddenly the whole sleigh began to shake violently, rocking back and forth. "WHOA WHOA WHOA!" They heard Prussia cry over the wind.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?" America called.

"I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T THINK THE REINDEER LIKE THE STORM!" Prussia shouted back.

"GET THEM UNDER CONTROL!" England yelled.

"I'M TRYING-" Prussia began but suddenly the sleigh dipped forward and everyone was thrown from the sleigh as it slammed into something hard. They all cried out as they rolled down whatever piece of slope they had hit. England was thrown from America. He couldn't tell which way was up and just hoped to God that he wouldn't end up breaking a bone.

Finally he rolled to a stop and he sat up. He squinted through the storm. He couldn't see anything. It was like a wall of shifting white. "America! Prussia!" He yelled. He waited but didn't hear anything. He stood up and began making his way in the direction he had assumed he had come from, calling for his companions. He was worried for America. If he was cold, then America must be freezing. Eventually he spotted a slight glow in the distance. He ran towards it. If he had seen it, then hopefully the others had too.

The house was just a simple cabin, perhaps two bedroom-two bath. But it looked cozy and quite warm. There were lights so England knew someone was there. He knocked on the door and waited, shifting back and forth to keep warm. The door opened a crack and an eye peeked out. "Ah, hello!" England said, hoping that whoever this Russian was, they would let him in. "I'm sorry to wake you-" The door shut. England jumped, thinking how rude that was until he heard a latch unlock and the door opened wider.

"Hello, England!" Russia said, standing in the doorway with a wide smile. He looked relieved for whatever reason. England, however, wasn't.

He fell back. "GAHHHHHH! R-RUSSIA!" He screamed. He never wanted to meet the man in private. He quickly gained a little bit of control over himself. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Russia said, surprised now that he thought about it. He didn't appear fazed by England's screaming. "What are you doing here?"

"I asked you first!" Shit shit shit! England was facing Russia without any kind of weapon to defend himself. He would have to play nice so as to not anger the crazy Russian.

"I am hiding out from Belarus." Russia told him quite happily, although the look on his face showed he was quite nervous. That would explain the caution from earlier.

"I, ah, crashed because of this storm." England admitted.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, America and Prussia were with me."

"How wonderful!" Russia said with a smile and moved out of the way as an invitation. England cautiously stepped inside and stood in the hallway as Russia closed and locked the door. The English man was on high alert. He was trapped for now. Russia walked past him. "It's so wonderful to be with friends." He said, walking into the living room. England followed stiffly and sat down on the couch. He was anxious to be around Russia, but he was admittedly thankful. It was nice and warm in here.

Russia sat down with a warm drink and watched him with his creepy smile. "It is quite unlucky that we arrived during a blizzard." England started carefully.

"Oh yes. General Winter really likes to attack my country this time of year." Russia agreed.

"General Winter?"

"_Дa!" _He didn't elaborate. There was an awkward silence that spread between the two, England not wanting to talk and Russia not starting up another conversation. Finally after what seemed like forever another knock came on the door. Russia and England both stood, England hoping that it was America. Russia made his way to the door and opened it carefully the same way he had done for England.

"Hey! It's really cold so let the awesome me in!" A voice called.

"Prussia." England muttered, annoyed but still relieved. Russia undid the lock and opened the door all of the way calling,

"Prus-" He didn't get to finish as there was quite an unmanly screech and a thud. England ran to the door and saw Prussia passed out cold. "Oh, what happened?" Russia asked as England pulled the door open farther.

"Well don't just stand there! Help me bring him inside!" He told him, trying to pull the ex-nation inside. Russia nodded and lifted Prussia effortlessly in a princess hold, reminding England once again that Russia was one of the world's superpowers with America and had monstrous strength just like the other nation did. Russia brought Prussia into the living room and placed him on the couch. He then walked back to the door and locked it again.

"Now we just need America!" Russia said cheerfully as he came back into the living room. Not two seconds later did a loud pounding ensued, causing two of the three nations in the room to jump. Russia developed a horrified look on his face at the sound and immediately jumped behind the armchair he was sitting in. "Don't open the door! It might be Belarus!"

"Open up! Somebody! I'm freaking freezing my ass off out here!" Someone yelled from outside.

England stood. "No, that is certainly not your sister." Russia looked relieved as England went to the door and opened it. America's face lit up and tackled England into a hug shouting,

"England! I found you! You're okay! And –Holy shit, what are you doing with Russia?" He noticed Russia standing in the hallway. Russia waved with a smile. England could feel the tension in America's hold as it tightened a little around him protectively.

"It is good to see you too, comrade." Russia's smile seemed fine, but England sensed an underlying hostility. America and Russia certainly weren't on the best of terms. He waited to see what America would do.

America stood, still holding onto England, and gave his own smile with underlying hostility. "I'm not your comrade, but thanks for letting us in, dude." England relaxed a little. America wasn't going to cause trouble. "By the way, England, is Prussia here?"

"He's passed out on the couch." England informed him. "He fainted upon seeing Russia."

"Oh, seriously? What a loser!" America laughed.

"Who's a loser?" Someone growled from the entryway to the living room. Prussia entered the hallway rubbing his eyes. "Jeez, I had a nightmare…" He opened his eyes and immediately noticed Russia. "Oh shit it was real!" He immediately passed out again.

England groaned. "We don't have time for this."

Russia laughed. "How funny!" America grabbed Prussia and hefted the man back to the couch. "How did you arrive in my country?" Russia asked them as they settled themselves down in the living room; Russia back in his armchair and America and England sitting on the floor in front of the fire. America was rubbing his arms furiously, trying to warm up. His hair dripped with melted snow. England knew the man would need a change of clothes.

"Somehow I was dragged into playing Santa with Prussia and America this year." England explained.

"Oh, is that so? That sounds fun."

"I know, right! I couldn't resist getting to play Santa!" America agreed, ecstatic now that he was warming up. "But this isn't your house, is it? I thought such a big (fat) guy couldn't fit in such a tiny house!" England shot America a look. The man wasn't seriously starting things with Russia, was he?

Russia only chuckled. "I have quite the large house that is quite great compared to some other (poor) countries. My economy is quite good." England pinched America before he could start an argument. "Anyhow, I'm here to avoid my little sister."

"Why would you want to avoid Belarus? I mean, I know she's a scary chick, but she's just your sister."

England and Russia looked at America in surprise. Prussia started to stir. "Don't you know, America? Belarus wants to marry Russia." England told him. He was actually surprised that America didn't know that. England stood and walked over to Prussia as the man woke more so that he wouldn't look at Russia.

"That's frigging creepy, man." America said. "Incest is weird."

"But your southern countries have it." Russia said with an innocent smile.

America responded in turn. "Maybe, but that's because countries on the other side of the world have inbreeding in their blood."

"Stop it, America." England scolded. Prussia groaned and blinked his eyes open. "Prussia, do _not_ pass out again. We do not have the time. We're at Russia's house."

"Shit, you mean my dream was real?" Prussia asked, covering his eyes.

"It wasn't a dream. Do either of you know what happened to the sleigh?"

"No, when I was thrown I didn't see what happened to it."

"Yeah, same here. I didn't find it. I just wanted to find some shelter." America agreed.

"We can't find the sleigh in this weather."England muttered. "Russia, do you know when the storm will stop? We need to leave as soon as possible." _At this rate, we won't make it back before midnight._

"Not very soon, I think." Russia said, thinking about it. "General Winter and I do not like each other."

"Shit! How are we supposed to find the sleigh?" America asked.

"Argh! I'll never get to Canada! Sweden's going to murder the awesome me!" Prussia cried.

"This is your entire damn fault, America!" England yelled.

"What! How is it my fault?" America demanded. In the background, Prussia was bemoaning his fate.

"If you hadn't wanted to play Santa, we could be at home right now having a wonderful evening together! I was planning on making dinner, too!"

"Gross! Nobody wants to eat that crap!"

"You little-!"

"I can try to stop General Winter." Russia suggested, catching everyone's attentions. They all stopped and looked at him.

"You can?" They asked.

"_Дa!" _Russia smiled. "On the condition that you take me with you."

"No way!" Prussia yelled. "There's no what I'm taking you with us!"

"I thought you didn't like Christmas?" America asked.

"I don't care either way about your Christian holiday. I still have time to celebrate it." Russia told them.

"Then why do you want to come with us?" England questioned.

"I want to have fun with friends!" He said happily. America and England looked at each other. Now that he thought about it, Russia _was _a very lonely country. Even now, on Christmas Eve, he was in the middle of a blizzard in the middle of nowhere by himself. Prussia glared at them. He was obviously opposed. But they needed to get going and they needed someone to stop this storm –if that was possible- and Russia was saying he could. But England really didn't want to bring the man. He could tell America didn't either, but they both shrugged.

"Alright." America said.

"What!" Prussia yelled, standing up. "I'm the captain here!" England grabbed the ex-nation's arm.

"We need to get the sleigh and this is the only way! Deal with it!" He hissed. Prussia looked cross but huffed in acceptance. He was a smart nation even though he hated this situation.

Russia grinned. "Great! Then I will-" A pounding interrupted him as it ensued on the door. Every nation jumped.

"Who could that be?" England wondered aloud.

"Big brother!" A voice called. Russia's eyes widened in horror and he jumped behind his chair. The pounding on the door became louder. "Big brother let me in! I know you're in there!"

"Is that Belarus?" America asked.

"Holy shit, is your sister _still_ after you?" Prussia asked Russia. Russia nodded, trembling in a fetal position.

"Let me in!" Belarus called again, louder.

"Go away!" Russia yelled back.

"Russia, what about the storm?" America demanded. "We can leave if you can stop the storm!"

Russia stood, realizing this truth and a little more back to his usual self. "If you can hold off my little sister for a little while, then I'll take on General Winter."

"Leave it to us!" America said and nodded to England and Prussia. The three quickly began gathering stuff to put in front of the door. Russia walked to a closet and opened it, pulling out a missile launcher. The other three nations froze with wide-eyes at the sight.

"Do not let Belarus know I am not in here. Keep her out and I'll be back." Russia said as if he hadn't just pulled out a deadly weapon. He then exited through a back door.

England, Prussia, and America shoved the couch in front of the door. "It's not like Belarus can get through." America muttered.

"Don't say that. You haven't seen how determined she is." Prussia told him. "I've lived with those two and you have no idea how obsessed she is."

As if to empathize what he had said, a strange scratching sound occurred on the door. It became louder to the point it was actually screeching. "Big brother…" Belarus's voice had become one similar to something you would only hear in nightmares and horror movies. America's eyes widened. "Let me in…I want to become one with you!"

"Go away, go away, go away!" America yelled, terrified as he ducked behind whatever furniture he could. England sighed. Apparently Belarus was one of the only things that terrified both of the world's superpowers.

The pounding became even harder and there was a creak of the wood. England's eyes widened. The door was going to give. "America!" he hissed, Prussia and him pressing their backs against the wood, "Get over here and help us!"

America shook his head. "It's too scary!"

"Don't be such a child!" England scolded and kicked the man lightly. "Hurry or else the moment we finish this misadventure, I'm going home!"

"What! No!" America said and hopped up to throw himself at the door. "We still haven't had sex yet!"

"D-don't say such things aloud, moron!" England stuttered, red.

"I don't want to hear about your sex lives!" Prussia hissed.

Suddenly the pounding stopped, startling the nations. "Is that you, America?" Their eyes widened. Belarus had heard America.

"Err…yeah?" America said cautiously.

There was a silence that was only broken by the howling of the wind outside. And then, "WHO HAVEN'T YOU HAD SEX WITH YET?" Belarus screeched. "DON'T YOU _DARE_ TOUCH MY BIG BROTHER!" The door was slammed open and the nations were thrown back as all Hell stormed through the door. Belarus looked as if she was insane, her hair in a frenzy and she was practically foaming at the mouth. England, America, and Prussia looked on in horror before scrambling to their feet.

"RUN AWAY!" England shouted and they made a mad dash to the back door as Belarus lifted up the couch that had been keeping the door shut. They ran outside and slammed the door shut and saw that the storm had stopped and the sleigh was conveniently not far away, the reindeer ready to go.

"Get in the sleigh!" Russia shouted, already in it. His face had blood trailing from his head but his terrified face showed what was most important. America, England, and Prussia ran to the sleigh as the back door slammed open. Belarus appeared to have gotten a hold of one of Russia's weapons. Now was an appropriate time as they all screamed.

America grabbed a hold of the reins and together the nations yelled, "GOGOGOGOGO!" The reindeer didn't need any more prompting as Belarus shouted,

"BIG BROTHER! BECOME ONE WITH ME!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Russia shouted back and the reindeer took off into the air.

"MISSILE!" England yelled and they were all thrown sideways as America turned the sleigh to dodge it. Belarus's frustrated scream was the last they heard as they flew above the clouds.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later and they were over China. England had explained to Russia how to deliver the presents and they achieved their goal. Admittedly the job was going faster with the extra pair of hands. America was huddled in on himself again. "Russia, dude, your sister is fucking psycho." He said what they were all thinking.<p>

"Tell me something I do not know." Russia said, tossing another present over the side.

"What the hell did she want from you? Besides, you know, marriage?"

"She wanted to have a Christmas wedding." Russia sighed. "She has done that every year. I must find new hiding spot each year." For once, America sympathized with the other superpower.

"I'm glad that Canada isn't like that." He said.

Prussia groaned loudly. "Fuck! At this rate I'll never get to spend Christmas with Birdie!"

"Cheer up, dude!" America said. "At least we're almost done with Asia!"

"Yes, it appears Europe is next." England said, looking at the map.

"I wonder if France is doing that thing like he was last year." America asked, thinking. "It was fun, even though he took so long to come to my country!"

"You _joined_ him? The fucker was running around in that weird cat ears-cat tail-rose combination and molesting people." Prussia said.

"Yes, he even did that to me." Russia remembered. The rest grew silent.

"That frog is braver than I thought." England admitted, feeling a little bit of respect for the nation. It took balls to molest Russia.

"Anyway, yeah I did join in with France!" America laughed. "It was totally fun dressing up that way! But it was cold, so I quit after a while." England's face flared up. He had missed America dressed with cat parts and only a rose to cover his privates?

_Goddamn it._ He thought with a frustrated growl. He'll have to convince him to do it again.

"I can't imagine running around like that." Prussia said. "I see France doing it all the time, but I can't do that kind of thing in public."

"It is the same for me. It was difficult enough with Spain's April Fool's Day joke." Russia said.

"It's unsightly." England agreed. America gave him an amused look.

"I remember that you came over with France drunk off your ass and in that sexy waiter's outfit you like to wear, England. And you appeared to be having fun."

England flushed. "I-I wasn't in my right mind!"

"When are you ever?"

"You-!" England wrapped his hands around America's throat and shook him as America shouted insults at the man.

Prussia sighed. "Sexual frustration." He muttered, knowing exactly what activities England had wanted to get back to earlier at America's house. It was the whole reason he had also helped kidnap England. If he couldn't have sex, then neither could the island nation.

Russia giggled. "This is so much fun!"

* * *

><p>"I'm so damn cold." America bemoaned, rubbing his arms. He still hadn't acquired a jacket and it was still really cold. At least they weren't at Russia's anymore, but it still sucked. England scooted over and wrapped his arms around the man.<p>

"It's your own fault, America." He scolded gently, pressing a kiss to the man's cheek. "You should've brought a second coat along."

"I didn't think you'd steal my jacket." America pouted. England couldn't help but kiss the pout. America wrapped his arms around the older nation's neck and took control of the kiss. England gasped a little and gripped the front of his shirt, feeling his body heat up. Surely this could warm America up as it was him. America's hands drifted down the back of England's jacket and shirt, touching bare skin with cold hands. England arched and pulled away a little to gaze lustfully at his blue eyes before plunging back in for another kiss.

Unfortunately it was interrupted by a boot to the back of America's head, causing the two to pull apart to glare at the person who had tossed the boot. Russia was busy rifling through the presents and tossing them out, so that left Prussia. The ex-nation glared at them. "No having sex in the sleigh! Especially while I'm here! Keep it in your pants."

"I wouldn't have to if you hadn't crashed in the middle of our foreplay." England told him, not at all embarrassed to say. He was still very much upset with Prussia.

The silver-haired nation rolled his eyes. "Whatever. It's not my fault. Deal with it." He turned back to the reins. "Get back to tossing presents."

"Prick." America muttered, but got up anyway to climb into the back of the sleigh. England sighed before joining him.

"Where are we?" Russia asked. Prussia checked his GPS.

"Somewhere over –Hey! We're in Germany! We're making a pit stop!" He shouted to them and dipped the sleigh downwards.

"Wha-hey! Prussia! You can't just make a detour!" England told him.

"It's not a detour! I have to give West his present anyway!" They landed on the roof of a large house and Prussia held out his hand. America handed him one present and Russia handed him two presents. Prussia raised an eyebrow.

"Who're the others for?"

"One for you and one for Germany." Russia said, surprised that he was asking. Prussia looked to America.

"Italy's probably going to be here, right? He's always hanging with Germany." He explained. Prussia grinned.

"I hope Ita-chan is here!" He said. "I'll be right back!" He jumped out of the sleigh and ran to the end of the roof. Luckily there was a ladder there and he quickly climbed down and through an upstairs window. "WE-EST!" He called. "ITA-CHAN! ARE YOU HERE?"

There was a loud groan and the bed stirred. "What do you want so early, _bruder_? I thought you were going to…your boyfriend's house." Germany said, sitting up to show that he was still dressed. Italy, next to him, was not. He was snuggling his head into the taller man's waist happily.

"Ve~ Prussia! What are you doing here?" He called sleepily.

"I come bearing gifts!" Prussia raised his arms to show the presents.

"Presents!" Italy cheered and hopped out of bed while Germany looked surprised.

"Why are you giving presents?" He asked as Prussia handed Italy his present and rubbed the shorter man's hair.

Prussia laughed. "Let's just say I'm Santa this year!" He tossed Germany his present which the man caught.

"What did you do, _bruder_?" Germany demanded as Italy ripped apart his wrapping. America's head popped down from the roof then.

"Yo hurry it up, Prussia! We've still got to hit the rest of Europe, Africa, and then we need to go to the States, bro!" He called. "Hi Italy, Germany!" He said waving. He stumbled and screamed as he almost fell.

"You moron!" Prussia heard England yelled and America stopped falling and hung practically in midair.

"He's so heavy." They heard Russia say.

"I'm not fat!" America yelled, waving his fists.

"You're not skinny, either."

"Hey!"

"America stop struggling or we'll drop you!" England threatened. America pouted and crossed his arms as he was hauled back up. It was a comical sight.

"You have Russia, America, and England with you?" Germany asked.

"Yup!" Prussia said.

"What the hell did you do?" His younger brother demanded again.

"Oh look at the time, I have to go!" He leaned over and kissed Italy's cheek with a hug as he said goodbye. Germany looked bothered by that so Prussia decided to give him the same treatment. Germany pushed his brother away. "Merry Christmas, West! Italy!" Prussia called and climbed out of the window and back onto the roof. There he discovered America and Russia pinching each other's cheeks and pulling with America having a strained smile and Russia having his regular smile. England sat watching the two with mild amusement and exasperation.

"Welcome back." England greeted Prussia as the man hopped back into the sleigh.

"What's going on with them?" He asked.

"America's still upset over the 'fat' comment."

"I'm not fat!" America slurred through his pulled cheeks. Russia only chuckled.

"We have to go, America. You're the pilot, aren't you?" Prussia said. America glanced at him and released Russia's cheeks before slapping them both (although not too hard, but hard enough). Russia returned the gesture a little bit harder, knocking America to the side.

"OW!" America jumped back to Russia and grabbed at his hair and Russia responded in turn as the two yanked at each other's hair.

"Will you two stop it?" England shouted, annoyed.

"Whatever, I'm taking off." Prussia said and the sleigh took off. America and Russia were still struggling (even though it wasn't a serious fight) in their scuffle with England yelling at them to get back to throwing the presents. Prussia directed the sleigh towards France and yelled at them to drop the presents. The three did, America and Russia shoving each other all of the while.

"You're acting like children!" England reprimanded.

"_He's_ the one acting like a child!" America said.

"Because you said that, you prove that it is you being the child." Russia said, smiling. America shoved him again. Unfortunately Russia knocked into Prussia which caused the man to fall over the edge of the sleigh, hanging on by the reins.

"YOU ASSHOLES!" Prussia yelled, his feet kicking in midair. They were far above the city lights of Paris and it was a long fall that no nation wanted to take (unless it's Russia and only if there was plenty of snow). America lunged and grabbed a hold of the ex-nation's arms. The only problem with this rescue mission was that because of Prussia having a hold of the reins, the sleigh was out of control and barreling in random directions, tossing everybody around. England grabbed onto America's feet while trying to maintain his own security within the sleigh. It was failing though as they were all sliding towards the edge.

"Russia! Help us!" England yelled to the remaining member of their team. Russia nodded seriously and wrapped his arms around England's waist and began walking backwards to pull them in.

America noticed the contact. "Hey! Get your hands off of my England!" He yelled, kicking his legs furiously.

"OW! America –damn it!- this isn't the time to become jealous –fuck, you just kicked me in the nipple!" England shouted at him.

"LOOK OUT!" Prussia yelled suddenly and everyone looked over the side just in time for the side of the sleigh to slam into a window and throw the occupants inside of the building. Russia groaned, being under both England and America's weights. Prussia had landed away from the dog-pile luckily, but appeared a little cut up. England shoved America off of him and rolled off of Russia, relatively unharmed if winded, and stood.

"Dude, Prussia, you're not allowed to drive anymore." America said as he and Russia stood as well. Every time Prussia drove, they always crashed.

"I wouldn't have crashed if you hadn't tossed Russia at me!" Prussia yelled at him.

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't crashed at America's house in the first place!" England joined in, frustration boiling.

"Look man, you're not the only one who wants to get laid tonight!" Prussia told him.

"Hey! Since when are you and Canada in that kind of relationship?" America asked, shocked. England was honestly surprised he didn't know that. Russia sat back and watched the fight, quite entertained.

"We've been in a sexual relationship, _arschloch!_" Prussia yelled at him. The argument was becoming an all-out fight. It would've escalated to a higher point when there was a scream that caused them to jump.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL WINDOW?" They turned their heads to see France standing there looking horrified and wearing absolutely nothing. England gagged at the sight. "What are you all doing at my house?"

"Oh, hey France." Prussia and America greeted. Russia waved his hand. England scowled.

"We crashed." Russia stated happily.

"CRASHED? _Mon dieu! _Get out! All of you!"

"Gladly, frog!" England told him.

"Wait, what about his present?" America asked.

"It had better not be another broken window!" France said, angry.

"Nope!" America ran over to the broken window where the sleigh was waiting for its occupants. He easily ran over the broken glass with his boots and dug into the back of the sleigh before tossing a present to France. The French man caught it with a surprised look.

"For _moi?_" He asked.

"Yup!" Prussia said as he and Russia climbed into the sleigh.

France appeared to be back to his normal self. "Aw, I was hoping it'd be a little _Angleterre."_ He said as he wrapped his arms around England's waist and his hand drifted onto the man's vital regions. Before England even had a chance to turn around, America had scooped England up onto his shoulder and had shoved a hand into France's face.

"Sorry, dude! He's _my _present!" America was grinning, but there was a look in his eyes that threatened, _Do Not Touch!_

France raised his arms in submission. "Oh well." America ran over to the sleigh with England still over his shoulder and sat down with the man in his lap before grabbing the reins. "I expect payment for my window!"

"Sorry, we can't hear you over the sound of the wind!" America yelled as if it really was loud outside.

"Yes, it's quite windy!" England agreed, yelling as well. He flicked France off with an evil grin before America took off back into the sky. They didn't even get the chance to hear France's frustrated yells.

* * *

><p>The next countries they went over were smooth sailing. Russia and America had stopped fighting. Prussia wasn't driving. America was contently warm with England in his lap. And to top it all off, this little 'Santa game' was almost over. And England was still in the mood and was quite happy after he found out that they had destroyed one of France's windows. And as a bonus America had put on that little show too! Yes, everybody in the sleigh was a happy camper at the moment.<p>

That is, until America's stomach came calling.

"Ugh, I'm so hungry!" He groaned in England's ear. England nudged him with his elbow, not appreciating it.

"Deal with it. We only have to finish up South America and do North America (here he laughed pervertedly a little) and then we're done!" Prussia told him. England was at the controls at the moment.

"But I want food now!" They put up with his whining as they finished up Mexico and finally crossed the border before heading over to the east coast.

"Stop to get food before I murder him." Prussia growled angrily to England, who appeared to be on the verge of snapping as well. If Russia wasn't enjoying himself so much, he probably would've hit America over the head with a metal pipe by now.

"Fine." England said. America cheered and leaned over the edge.

"Ooh, look! A McDonald's! There, England! Drive-thru!"

"We are _not_ taking a sleigh into a drive-thru!" England told him.

America pouted. "Then park. I want McDonald's."

"I'm not parking at a McDonald's either! Wait until we pass one of your houses-"

"No! England, I want McDonald's now!"

"What a spoiled brat." Prussia said. America ignored him. Those kinds of comments didn't affect him anymore.

"I'm quite hungry as well, though." Russia admitted.

"Then it's settled! England, either go through the drive-thru or park." America said.

"I _said_ no!"

"Then I'll do it!" America shoved England out of the way and steered the sleigh downwards. England screeched at him and tried to get him to stop, but you can't stop an American on a mission for McDonald's and eventually England gave up as the reindeer's feet touched the pavement of the McDonald's parking lot. It was nearing midnight and it was by pure luck alone that America had chosen one of those McDonald's that was in the middle of nowhere. The reindeer trotted forward (the sleigh luckily floated a little off of the ground) and America pulled up to the intercom.

"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?" A lady asked.

"Yeah! I want three Big Macs with everything on them, a large fry, and a large diet coke!" America told her.

"Will there be anything else?"

America turned to the people in the sleigh. England was seething, unbelieving that America was actually doing this. What would the humans think? "Do you guys want anything?"

"I want a double cheeseburger meal. With a Sprite." Russia said, completely on board with this crazy idea. America ordered it for him.

Prussia glanced at England and shrugged. He was hungry too. "Get me a Big Mac without tomato and a coffee." America nodded and ordered that as well. He then turned to England expectantly. England glared at him. He couldn't deny that he was hungry either, though. He and America hadn't eaten lunch when Prussia had arrived and it was well past supper time.

"Just get me a chicken nugget meal with sweet tea. I don't care what size." America grinned and did so, ecstatic that England wanted some McDonald's. The price was told and they began to pull around.

"By the way, does anybody have money?" America asked, shocking them.

"Are you fucking serious?" Prussia asked. America pouted.

"Well it's not like I brought money in my Santa costume. I'll pay you back."

England scowled. "This is the last time, America!" He told him as he dug into the robe he had stored under some of the presents after he had stolen America's jacket. "You're lucky I keep money in my robe after you pulled this bloody stunt before." He scowled brought out the money. America kissed his cheek and took it.

"Thanks, babe!"

"I told you not to call me that!"

The lady at the first window's eyes widened upon seeing what they were riding in. Russia and England ducked their heads slightly out of embarrassment while Prussia and America grinned. "Are you guys in a sleigh?" She asked.

"No, it's a donkey." Prussia said sarcastically, although his teasing grin told the girl he was messing with her.

"That's so cool!" She leaned out of her window and looked at the live reindeer. "Can I have a picture?" She asked, fumbling to get her camera out.

"Sure!" America said.

England punched him over the head. "You git!"

"Ow! Don't be so mean!" He pouted. The lady chuckled and took the picture with Prussia and America posing with bunny ears on each other's heads and Russia (not caring any longer) smiled behind them.

"Thank you! Next window, please!" America nodded and they pulled up to the next window with the lady still watching them. The next person's eyes widened too as he handed the nations their food. America thanked them and then snapped the reins. The reindeer ran forward across the road and onto the grass before taking off.

"I can't believe we just went through a fucking McDonald's drive-thru in Santa's sleigh." Prussia said, disbelieving.

"I can't believe we just went through a fucking McDonald's drive-thru in Santa's sleigh!" America cheered, munching on one of his burgers.

"I can't believe we just went through a fucking McDonald's drive-thru in Santa's sleigh!" England shouted, furious.

"I cannot believe it is not butter." Russia said with a smile. Everyone looked at him in shock. America laughed.

"You get props, dude!" He high-fived Russia. Russia looked cheerful to have been included in such a thing. England and Prussia shook their heads, incredulous. This was one weird Christmas.

* * *

><p>It took another four hours to finally complete all of North America (including Hawaii) and finish their routes. Prussia sighed in happiness. "Finally! Drop me off at Canada's house!" He told America.<p>

"Wait, what are we to do about the sleigh?" Russia asked.

"Yeah, seriously. None of us are heading to Finland's house." America agreed.

"I guess Russia'll have to return it." Prussia said with a shrug, not caring any longer. His mind was locked on going to his boyfriend's house now. He reached over and grabbed one of the stick-on bows and attached it to his forehead with a grin. He'll be Canada's gift.

"What? Me? No, I do not want to." Russia told him.

"You're the only one going that way." England said.

"I do not want to." Russia repeated with a yawn. He wanted to get home. He'd been up all night now and it was Christmas day in his country. "I just want to sleep."

"Then just hang onto the sleigh for the day and return it later." America suggested, pulling the reins to slow them. They were approaching Canada's house.

Russia thought about it. "Okay." He said. "I can do that."

"Sweet." They pulled up onto Canada's lawn. It was already 4:30 in the morning. Prussia hopped out with Canada's actual present.

"Well, see ya fuckers. Thanks for helping out."

"Merry Christmas!" America told and England and Russia chorused it. Prussia nodded to them and repeated the saying before walking off. "Tell Canada I said hi!" America called before they took off again. "Next stop, my house!" He told them.

"About bloody time." England muttered. Even though he was complaining, he had to admit it was quite fun playing Santa this year. Perhaps it wasn't the best of company –he would've been happier with Japan and America instead- and he hadn't spent it alone with America having sex, but he was happy.

America landed the sleigh in his backyard –glaring at the crater that he would have to fix- and he and England climbed out of the sleigh. England shifted, a little awkward with Russia. The man had been tolerable company, but they still weren't friends. America didn't seem to have that problem, being AKY that he was. "You weren't a total asshole today, Russia! Merry Christmas!"

"Yes, Merry Christmas." England agreed.

"Indeed I was able to not kill you, America." Russia smiled. There was a silence and then he spoke again. "This was the most fun I have had during Christmas. Spending it with friends is quite entertaining, _Дa?" _

England was surprised and then he nodded. "It is." Russia nodded too and took off in the sleigh.

"Try not to get married to your sister!" America yelled. Russia flicked him off and America laughed.

England grabbed the front of America's nightshirt and dragged him inside and up the stairs before shoving him onto the bed and kissing him. "I believe we were in the middle of something earlier." He said lustfully as he took America's hands to run them down the back of his pants..

America grinned and kissed him back while gripping the older nation's ass, but it was interrupted by a yawn. England glared at him. America chuckled nervously. "Sorry, I guess I'm really tired." He caught England's disappointed look and he flipped them before kissing his lips again. "Hey, we have all day today and I'm off tomorrow too. We have time, right?"

England sighed and wrapped wiggled the jacket off of his shoulders and tossed it to the side before wrapping his arms around America's neck. "I suppose you're right. But I expect to top later."

America laughed and rolled onto his side to cuddle with his boyfriend. "After I get my shot." England closed his eyes and hummed in agreement, suddenly exhausted as well.

"Oh, I forgot to enact my revenge against Prussia." He murmured, remembering.

He felt America's body rumble with laughter and he looked at him in the eyes. His blue eyes glittered with mischievous mirth. England felt a smile crawl onto his face. "What did you do?"

"I may have called my brother earlier and convinced him not to have sex with Prussia for at all today." America said innocently.

England brought his arms up and wrapped them around America's neck, pulling him into a deep kiss and pressing himself to him. When he pulled away they were breathing hard. "I love you, you know that?" He whispered, more turned on than before. He loved it when America was devious.

America kissed him again and rolled them over so that he was on top. "I know. I love you too."

And far in the north if one listened, the echo of a despairing wail could be heard.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh, it was fun writing this. :) I hope everyone's had a good Christmas! Or…whatever holiday you celebrate. Hehe…^_^; I didn't really get any presents but, hey! I have more money for Megacon! Haha, but my presents still kind of suck. *shot for being ungrateful***

**Review, please! :D**


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